Sunshine in the Rain

If the weather were to match me today, the sun would be shining and it would be pouring rain. Sometimes in Hawai'i, it sprinkles rain while the sun beams, and my family used to refer to that as pineapple juice. Today, I am focusing all of my efforts on what a lucky, happy girl I am. Did you notice that I've been absent from this blog for about 2 weeks? Sorry about that, but I was careening around Europe and my internet access opportunities were minimal. Plus, had I spent my time blogging, I'd have no stories to share or pictures to show. I said goodbye at the Passport check area of C Gate in Frankfurt International today to my latest visitor. It is so completely wonderful that a handful of people I hold dear are able to come visit me while I live in Germany. But it is the saddest every time we have to journey back to the airport, hug and say goodbyes as airport personnel look on unaffected.

And ten years ago today, I woke up to my mom, brother, and sister in my room and received the news that my dad had passed away in the early morning hours. Ten years ago. Does that seem impossible to anyone else? When I say it out loud, ten years sounds like a long time. When it was fresh, it felt like maybe he was away on business. Slowly it became more permanent but still fragile. I could begin to deal with what I knew was a truth, and acceptance of that truth felt painful and taxing. Now, I feel as though I haven't seen him in a very long time. And I guess it's true. It's been ten years. It is much more rare now that I spontaneously feel sad about it, and I'm happy to say that memories I have feel very alive to me. I can recall conversations from when I was 6 and when I was 12 as though they had just happened. I find myself thinking sometimes what it would be like to call up my house and talk to both parents. Would talking with him and updating him about my life adventures be like when I talk to my mom? Would they do the thing where they both get on the line at the same time from different phones within the house? Would he be curious about what sports culture is like here? Or would he be up for coming over for a visit with my mom?

It's funny how much things change. How used to big, monumental changes we can become. We can all adapt to any circumstance, and it is in our hands how we choose to do so. I choose to let my family know that I love them all the time. I choose to use who I am to hopefully enrich other people's lives. I choose to accept challenges and to never say "can't". I choose to let myself feel what I need to feel, but to keep my chin up and to find the good in things. I think it's good to be homesick once in a while, to be sad during goodbyes, or to shed a few tears thinking about wonderful memories. It's a sign of good everything really actually is- that even when it seems to be raining, the sun is shining through.

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces

Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun

And I say, it's all right