A common denominator in my life is that I have always been blessed to have strong, smart, supportive, loving, charismatic, patient, and kind people in it. And these people are not just one or two of those traits. Oh no, these people somehow have all of those qualities. How is it that my life is filled with such people in such a challenging world? It is no doubt the existence of such people that has gotten me to where I am and where I'm going.
This morning, I met a dear friend of mine from high school at Dulles International Airport. He was flying back home to the Wild West from Afghanistan. A former Marine, a loving husband, a non-discriminating purple-nurple giver, a good son and brother, a video game fanatic, and a kind, thoughtful man. I had not seen him for nearly two years. He now has a beard that would put almost anyone's beard to shame. To hug him hello, to chat with him over coffee (and a morning brewski for him), to hear about his life, his family... everything, brought immeasurable amounts of joy to my week. That first hug connected me with my roots and reminded me that I have good people all across the world with whom I've crossed paths and formed relationships of friendship and respect. That is a nice feeling.
Sometimes I buy a particular brand of tea (Yogi) when I feel like I have more money to spend than I actually do. I like this tea because it comes with little saying on the tag at the end of the string on each tea bag. I know that that is an illogical reason to buy anything, but I like it. Marketing win for Yogi. Anyway, my teabag said, "Your greatness is not what you have, it's what you give." Isn't that the truth? I might not have a whole lot in the way of worldly possessions or financial sums, but I have a rich life. I know great people who give ten times as much of themselves than I do. And these people come in all shapes, sizes, colors, ages...
They are amazing. You are amazing.
I feel so loved, and that is a great thing.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
On risk taking
There is no sure thing. As a matter of fact, the likelihood of changing needs or incompatibility is high. But it's the imperfections and idiosyncrasies of you that draw me in. Those things make you challenging, like a puzzle. I'll work on it at midnight when the storm is in full swing, threatening the comfort that I take for granted and forcing me to acknowledge that feeling safe is more important to me than I realize. I like that those quirks keep me interested, giving me reasons to keep searching and dwelling on what I appreciate, forcing the negative behind the rose colored lenses. In my search, I see the potential, and I take one more risky step forward.
I already compromised. I ate at midnight, and I returned to the familiar. For me, ignoring my head and focusing on my heart was a compromise. But I want to take this risk. This risk sits right in the middle of everything that is the same, making everything around me different from what it once was and making it impossible to ever have it be the same as before.
You are difficult and intense. I am flexible and quirky, unafraid of strength but afraid of losing. I am focused but not blind. I will encourage you to stay true to yourself and to meet your potential because I extend the same courtesy to myself.
I want to take the risk so that I am the one you turn to for encouragement, the one who convinces you not to fear change.
I want to shake you out of the comfort zone. Don't stay stagnate, because it's impossible to do that anyway, and it disappoints me. Trying to avoid change, hurt, or discomfort creates voids, I think. You'd risk pain, devastation, or loss in exchange for the protection of your beliefs because it's worth it. And I am too.
I can't make promises to the end of the Earth that there won't come a time that it won't work. But I can promise to always give in faith and mind. I can't be someone else or give what others have given, just in the same way that I can't be French or look like that new Bond girl every second of my life. I can't be the perfect mix of attractive and intelligent. I can only be me. And me is not always like you. And me is a woman, your greatest fear. Me is someone who is powerful because I am charged with holding your heart safe while I balance, always on the verge. But in exchange, that risk I've taken too. I've contracted the protection of my heart out to a mercenary instead of using my own forces which I've carefully built since Day 1.
Every risk I've ever taken has enriched me, filled me, reminded me that I'm human. I am not afraid.
I already compromised. I ate at midnight, and I returned to the familiar. For me, ignoring my head and focusing on my heart was a compromise. But I want to take this risk. This risk sits right in the middle of everything that is the same, making everything around me different from what it once was and making it impossible to ever have it be the same as before.
You are difficult and intense. I am flexible and quirky, unafraid of strength but afraid of losing. I am focused but not blind. I will encourage you to stay true to yourself and to meet your potential because I extend the same courtesy to myself.
I want to take the risk so that I am the one you turn to for encouragement, the one who convinces you not to fear change.
I want to shake you out of the comfort zone. Don't stay stagnate, because it's impossible to do that anyway, and it disappoints me. Trying to avoid change, hurt, or discomfort creates voids, I think. You'd risk pain, devastation, or loss in exchange for the protection of your beliefs because it's worth it. And I am too.
I can't make promises to the end of the Earth that there won't come a time that it won't work. But I can promise to always give in faith and mind. I can't be someone else or give what others have given, just in the same way that I can't be French or look like that new Bond girl every second of my life. I can't be the perfect mix of attractive and intelligent. I can only be me. And me is not always like you. And me is a woman, your greatest fear. Me is someone who is powerful because I am charged with holding your heart safe while I balance, always on the verge. But in exchange, that risk I've taken too. I've contracted the protection of my heart out to a mercenary instead of using my own forces which I've carefully built since Day 1.
Every risk I've ever taken has enriched me, filled me, reminded me that I'm human. I am not afraid.
Friday, April 13, 2012
The only thing I'll ever say about it.
I was recently informed I am just a friend. I do not write on here about my love life because for me that is a personal topic. Though by now I could tell a good many stories about my dating life, the stress of the constant updates I'd have to write is enough in itself to keep me from doing so.
I'm a tough critic when it comes to matters of the heart. I have turned down many perfectly lovely and remarkably GOOD guys. I don't really know why I do that, but I do it nonetheless. Like so many American girls, I over-analyze my body and make comparisons to others around me, wondering if I have what it takes to be attractive. A compliment from a nice man stays with me and does brighten any day. A compliment on my shoes or cute haircut (don't even make me tell you how long it's been since I last cut my hair) from a fellow woman I also appreciate. I have been in deeply in love. I have felt completely shattered by someone I didn't even love. I have had moments lacking entirely of any confidence. I don't whine about being single because I think it's a phenomenal chance for other things. Sometimes when I lay down to go to sleep at night I wish I had familiar arms to hold me close. I essentially become dumb and mute around men to whom I'm attracted only for good looks, and I get metaphorically sick feeling when I know a good man likes me. Why is that?
I go on dates for fun, not to fulfill expectations or wish for a future. I like to see where things go and approach each experience as it comes. And, on the rare occasion, I meet a man around whom I don't feel uncomfortable, unattracted, unattractive, etc etc etc, and for whom I apparently create the same effect. And I recently was informed in one such case, a case made extremely blurry and difficult to navigate given the huge ocean between our physical locations, that despite it all ("it all" will not be detailed here), I am nothing more than a friend. And just like that, I was wiped off the face of his map.
I did not hound. I did not pity. I did not demand an explanation. I did not flood his email inbox, trying to grab for any last lingering bits of attention he might throw my way. But I am not treated as a friend. It takes two to be friends, and simply saying "friends" is not enough to be so. My friends did not put me on hold because I chose to move to Germany, and we find ways to keep in touch-- even little ways. I am not a woman that will allow myself to be dropped by any man just to be scooped back up again at his convenience- romantically or otherwise.
My world is moving. and fast. While I wish I had the time and energy to figure out just what went on here, I really don't. It's entirely possible that I've broken some unwritten rule about how a woman should be -- too big in the hips, too small in the chest, too tall, too slim, too open, too quiet, too pushy, too indecisive, too opinionated, too nice, too sarcastic, too into one hobby or another, not enough into some other hobby or another -- who knows, but I think in this case I've been dropped for distance and replaced by something closer, more convenient. And unfortunately instead of the truth, I received the thing that hurts me the very most when it comes to romance- the phase out.
This is the only time I'll ever bother you with a vague tale from my love life that really reveals nothing whatsoever. Thank you for having the patience to let me write what turned out to be more of a journal entry. I promise you that my disappointment I have in the characteristics this particular person has revealed to me are GREATLY overshadowed by what a spectacular experience I am having here in Germany. I value the friendship I built with him this fall when I really needed the people in my life to lean on as I experienced for the first time what real culture-shock is, even if that bond proved temporary. The trips I have taken, the job I am doing, the friends I have made, the experiences which lay ahead, and the understanding I have developed are worth absolutely more than any one, small let-down.
I wish him the best. I really do. Maybe down the road we will actually be friends.
And now, this case is closed. Next stop: swimming pool, Frankfurt skyline, friends, another fantastic weekend abroad, and maybe even additional stories to add to my dating repetoire-- which I promise I will never reveal here :)
In my mind, I picture these words maybe coming from his mouth when he thinks about what we were:
"I did not want any external influence in my life. You know yourself, Harry, how independent I am by nature. I have always been my own master; had at least always been so, till I met Dorian Gray. Then-- but I don't know how to explain it to you. Something seemed to tell me that I was on the verge of a terrible crisis in my life. I had a strange feeling that fate had in store for me exquisite joys and exquisite sorrows. I grew afraid and turned to quit the room. It was not conscience that made me do so: it was a sort of cowardice. I take no credit to myself for trying to escape."
I'm a tough critic when it comes to matters of the heart. I have turned down many perfectly lovely and remarkably GOOD guys. I don't really know why I do that, but I do it nonetheless. Like so many American girls, I over-analyze my body and make comparisons to others around me, wondering if I have what it takes to be attractive. A compliment from a nice man stays with me and does brighten any day. A compliment on my shoes or cute haircut (don't even make me tell you how long it's been since I last cut my hair) from a fellow woman I also appreciate. I have been in deeply in love. I have felt completely shattered by someone I didn't even love. I have had moments lacking entirely of any confidence. I don't whine about being single because I think it's a phenomenal chance for other things. Sometimes when I lay down to go to sleep at night I wish I had familiar arms to hold me close. I essentially become dumb and mute around men to whom I'm attracted only for good looks, and I get metaphorically sick feeling when I know a good man likes me. Why is that?
I go on dates for fun, not to fulfill expectations or wish for a future. I like to see where things go and approach each experience as it comes. And, on the rare occasion, I meet a man around whom I don't feel uncomfortable, unattracted, unattractive, etc etc etc, and for whom I apparently create the same effect. And I recently was informed in one such case, a case made extremely blurry and difficult to navigate given the huge ocean between our physical locations, that despite it all ("it all" will not be detailed here), I am nothing more than a friend. And just like that, I was wiped off the face of his map.
I did not hound. I did not pity. I did not demand an explanation. I did not flood his email inbox, trying to grab for any last lingering bits of attention he might throw my way. But I am not treated as a friend. It takes two to be friends, and simply saying "friends" is not enough to be so. My friends did not put me on hold because I chose to move to Germany, and we find ways to keep in touch-- even little ways. I am not a woman that will allow myself to be dropped by any man just to be scooped back up again at his convenience- romantically or otherwise.
My world is moving. and fast. While I wish I had the time and energy to figure out just what went on here, I really don't. It's entirely possible that I've broken some unwritten rule about how a woman should be -- too big in the hips, too small in the chest, too tall, too slim, too open, too quiet, too pushy, too indecisive, too opinionated, too nice, too sarcastic, too into one hobby or another, not enough into some other hobby or another -- who knows, but I think in this case I've been dropped for distance and replaced by something closer, more convenient. And unfortunately instead of the truth, I received the thing that hurts me the very most when it comes to romance- the phase out.
This is the only time I'll ever bother you with a vague tale from my love life that really reveals nothing whatsoever. Thank you for having the patience to let me write what turned out to be more of a journal entry. I promise you that my disappointment I have in the characteristics this particular person has revealed to me are GREATLY overshadowed by what a spectacular experience I am having here in Germany. I value the friendship I built with him this fall when I really needed the people in my life to lean on as I experienced for the first time what real culture-shock is, even if that bond proved temporary. The trips I have taken, the job I am doing, the friends I have made, the experiences which lay ahead, and the understanding I have developed are worth absolutely more than any one, small let-down.
I wish him the best. I really do. Maybe down the road we will actually be friends.
And now, this case is closed. Next stop: swimming pool, Frankfurt skyline, friends, another fantastic weekend abroad, and maybe even additional stories to add to my dating repetoire-- which I promise I will never reveal here :)
In my mind, I picture these words maybe coming from his mouth when he thinks about what we were:
"I did not want any external influence in my life. You know yourself, Harry, how independent I am by nature. I have always been my own master; had at least always been so, till I met Dorian Gray. Then-- but I don't know how to explain it to you. Something seemed to tell me that I was on the verge of a terrible crisis in my life. I had a strange feeling that fate had in store for me exquisite joys and exquisite sorrows. I grew afraid and turned to quit the room. It was not conscience that made me do so: it was a sort of cowardice. I take no credit to myself for trying to escape."
-The Picture of Dorian Gray, written by Oscar Wilde
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Love is in the ... chlorine, apparently.
I can't get enough of this video. So, in the spirit of the upcoming Valentine's Day and just because really, who doesn't adore Matt Grevers' back... I mean... sweeping romantic gestures, I give to you-- Matt Grevers "popping the question" at the Missouri Grand Prix to girlfriend (and phenomenal swimmer) Annie Chandler.
I know. <3
Friday, February 25, 2011
For my mommy
To my lovely mother,
Happy birthday! I hope that your day runs smoothly since you've conquered the garage door debacle already this morning. It is strange that none of us are there to celebrate with you. I guess that is a testament to your hard work over the years though. Plus, we'll all be together tomorrow for hugs and laughter and w i s h e s. In the meantime, I think all those wonderful women will help make this evening a fun one! Great start to the year ahead!
You have had some pretty wonderful times and adventures throughout your life. Life has also thrown at you more than your fair share of challenges. You approach each with strength and, what always seems to me like bottomless, optimism. You give us support, encouragement, and love even when you yourself might benefit the most from receiving those things. You are the person I go to for guidance, and I don't even know where your patience and insight come from, why you're nearly always right, or how all of your positive qualities seem limitless- but I do know that it's magical, and it's a blessing.
You're one of a kind. Realistic and opportunistic, l o v i n g and beautiful, smart and wise, c h e e r f u l and persevering.
...and I love you.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Simply, Complexly, Love
This is a video that a man made for his wife's birthday.
Love is beautiful.
Rachel's Birthday Video from Kristian Anderson on Vimeo.
Love is beautiful.
Rachel's Birthday Video from Kristian Anderson on Vimeo.
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