Ten Months Down

Today is the first day of June, and that means that it is the beginning of a bittersweet month. June is the last full month I will spend in Germany since I leave part way through July. I read through a few of my posts from earlier in this journey of mine, and it is so funny to read posts from November in which I declare that I can't believe I've lived in Germany for 4 months. Time flies. Fast forward, and now it's been exactly 10 months and roughly 3 hours since I stepped off the plane to begin my year here.

I got exactly what I came here for, although for most of the time I've been here it hasn't felt that way. I sought something new, unfamiliar, challenging, and exciting. My evolution as a foreigner has been quite the adventure. I'm incredibly excited to go home-- I'll be honest about that; however, I can already start to feel the nostalgia. I can already sense what I'm going to miss once I step foot back in the States. I'm starting to understand how this journey has changed me, how it has become part of me.

And I have the sneaking suspicion that my return will not be as easy as I imagine it will be. All of these small things that I have encountered in Germany, all of the differences that I have not only experienced but also learned how to be part of or at least live with, will no longer be part of my daily life. There will be the small aspects of American culture that I have forgotten, and I will have to remember how to readjust and reimmerse.

This year has been so sweet and so difficult. The lows were real low. But the highs have been tip top. The next month will be also sweet and difficult, not difficult in terms of cultural assimilation, but difficult because the time is finite. The end of the tunnel is within sight. How could it be that my year in Germany is nearly over? Wow.

On Moving

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."

~Walt Disney

I counted today, and in the last 10 years I've moved 10 times, and that doesn't include the in-betweens where my lovely mother let me come home and pile my things up everywhere and sleep in my childhood bed and eat the food in her refrigerator. It also doesn't include the times my friends have let me crash on their couches and pile my stuff in their living rooms while I transitioned from place to place. I'm staring a potential 11th move in the face as soon as one week from now, and I have to say that stability has a bit of an appeal right at this moment. Plus, I'll miss out on all the Spring wine fests here if I move, among other things. Aw, man! But I'm choosing to look at it as an adventure, a test of my being, and a chance to grow professionally and personally. Ready or not, here I go!

I will not be defeated.

Moving is hard. Moving is so hard. I know from quite a few experiences in doing so that it always turns out OK. Everywhere becomes home to me, and so far in life I've always ended up loving wherever it is that I live. Even Laramie (that's right- I have a very special place in my heart for that windy, icy, snowy, freeeezing cold, high plains, slightly isolated, and completely wonderful town).

This is by far the hardest move I've ever made. In hindsight, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The funny thing is that it's not the language barrier or being on a different continent than normal that is difficult for me. I mean, yeah, my German language skills stink, but the German people are more than patient and I forever love them for that. No, what is most difficult is that I am battling homesickness for my working life. Isn't that weird? I missed it when I first got here, but everything was so new and fresh and I was constantly distracted by all sorts of adventures that I didn't really have time to think about how much I miss being an adult. How did this happen?

I don't feel old. I don't look old (errr?). I act like I've always acted. I don't feel like a kid either, and I shouldn't. What I miss is earning my way through my adventurous life. I get the greatest opportunities, I really do, and I'm so lucky, but I am out of my element here in Germany. So how do I create this life I love leading when I'm really starting from scratch? When I don't know how the society works? When I seem to be missing a vital piece of culture I'm living in?

I am the kind of person who, when I do something, I do it with all of my heart and all of my determination. And I like to do things well. No, I can't stand not giving what I do my full attention and effort. Probably to a fault, because sometimes this keeps me from attempting things at all when I am unsure that I can produce the best possible outcome. If I'm not sure of myself, I stop caring so that I don't have to justify a less-than-the-best result.

Example: We ran a 5k for charity in Radolfzell as a team (all 18 of us!). I am not a good runner, and I don't enjoy it, but I certainly was going to run. All that was asked of us was to run at least 1 or 3 laps (each being 1.33 km), but I'm not going to start a race and not cross the finish line. I also knew that I probably couldn't actually run a 5k (I know, I know... but put me in a pool instead...) so I treated it as though I didn't care about it, and therefore I could justify stopping to walk 3 times instead of pushing through the pain and making it to the end. Nothing wrong with walking, except it wasn't the best I could do. It wasn't the best of my ability. I didn't allow myself to attempt the challenge before me.

And I can feel the same thing happening to my German life. It's a challenge that's defeating me in the first quarter of the game. But I have some game changing plays in the book, and it's beyond time to make the call. There are still 3 more quarters to play, and I'm going to be in for every snap. I'm going to be back in the States before I know it, in the midst of earning my way, and wishing I had more time here. I will not let this move I've made become a defeat... when it comes time to leave Germany, I'm going to be leaving a piece of my heart here.

I walked home from school today, the long way, thinking things through and deciding how I was going to make a great life here while I could. I turned a corner, and there was a girl, probably about 9 years old, about half a block ahead of me intently picking up something from the ground. Curious, as I kept walking nearer down the sidewalk, I saw that she had a fistful of pretty little wildflowers that she was diligently collecting from the ragged grass along the sidewalk where cars park outside of houses. I had to smile. One of the joys of my childhood was picking dandelion bouquets on my walk home from elementary school to bring home to my mom. In the Autumn, I'd bring her bouquets of collected, fallen leaves (only the prettiest). I wonder if this girl's mom was the recipient of today's wildflower bouquet. I picked the next little yellow flowers I saw, and walked the rest of the way home with a smile on my face knowing that Germany was going to be just fine. It simply deserves my diligence and absolutely requires my hard work. But what good things come without a challenge?

Acquired:

Hi long lost readers/loves,

I've been MIA because I've been in the wild process of moving. Again. But this time it's a really good move to Mainz, Germany! And I'll permanently have internet starting Wednesday. This is big news, guys. Big news.

In my new place, I've inherited a variety of objects.

Acquired:
-A hilarious assortment of mugs including one giant mug with the "Mainzer Männer" on it, I found out yesterday.
-One very large table with a sticker on it that says, "Miguel Aguirre Pascual Universidad Complutense de Madrid". I plan to leave it on there mostly because, like the person who left it there, I can't get it off of the table.
-2 mirrors that I know came originally from IKEA because I had the same exact 2 mirrors in DC before I moved. Hello, little piece of home. In DC I accidentally shattered one of the mirrors though, so it's nice to have 2 functional mirrors again.
-A hotel-style black radio. I have tuned it to a German station and am amazed that I can understand the DJs. Thanks, Carl Duisberg Centrum!
-900 million fitted sheets
-A microwave. Ancient, but coveted! The microwave isn't such a big thing here in Europe. But I have one, suckers!
-3 cans of diced tomatoes. Ok.
-A Lufthansa pillow. That's right, fellow American travelers, there are still airlines that exist that provide comforts to their customers and make your flight an enjoyable experience. I know! I was amazed at this, too! I already took the pillow from my Lufthansa flight though, so the extra one can be used with the sleeping bag I've inherited.
-This might not seem important, but I have a shower curtain. Unfortunately, I have a very small shower, and I wasn't clear thinking enough to make sure that the curtain stayed in the shower with me and didnt drift outside of the base of the shower while the water was on. My first attempt at using the shower created Lake Elisabeth in my bathroom. Live and learn, folks. And what I've learned was that clean up is hard with no supplies on hand.

So, overall, all is well here. I saw St. Stephens church here yesterday- a building blessed to have Chagall windows. The sun was out, and the whole church inside shines a beautiful blue through the calming stained glass. Really quite something. I'll be seeing you more often around here now.

Love always, me.

Hasta luego, or the German equivalent

I LEAVE FOR GERMANY TOMORROW.

Holy smokes, how did this happen?

Bag is packed, check-list is checked, and hugs hugged.

I guess this is really going to happen.

here goes nothin'

... (or really, here goes somethin'!)

Thoughts? Feelings? Questions, comments, concerns?

There are 2 turtle doves that have made the big pine tree off of my backyard patio their home. They are out there every day. They sit very still and then with no notice will powerfully take off and fly about, often chasing each other and causing quite a ruckus. My mom has dubbed them Fred and Myrtle. They are the ultimate pair.

As the time approaches for me to make the big move to Germany, I find I have many questions and realizations. I think this is pretty normal. For instance, after my swim last night I had celery with peanut butter. Peanut butter! This go-to will not be part of my life for a year. I can certainly do without. What about all of my friends in DC? I left less than a month ago, and I already feel disconnected (I have been a horrible correspondent, so this is my fault). I miss them. A lot. What will it be like a year from now? I'm soaking up the wide open spaces here in Wyoming. What will it be like to live in a country with 82 million people and not much land? Even when I lived in DC, I came back to Wyoming to see family from time to time. Will I find a place of refuge in Deutschland? (I think I will... I like everywhere I live and am good at finding pieces of home everywhere.) What will happen with jobs upon return? Will I have the same goals? Completely different? Not at all changed? Will my heart be in the same place, and will I have a chance to pay attention to that part of my life for once?

I'm so thankful that I have such a closely knit family. This packing and preparing process is not exactly fun, but it is fun being here to giggle and talk with my mom, swim with and hug my brother, and get coffee and talk about dreams with my sister.

Gosh, this move would be a million times harder had I not come back to Wyoming for these few weeks, but because I came back, it's a million times harder for different reasons. I think that's a sign that life's good though, you know? I wouldn't want to have nothing to miss.

Love always.

"It's not a road trip, it's a rrrooooaadddd trip."

I'm on a road trip across the US since I have up and left DC (don't get me started... I'm really not ready to talk about it). Emma is driving with me on the first part of the journey, and so far we've swung through Virginia to see my swimmers, North Carolina for a lovely dinner with Noor, and South Carolina to spend some time with my Gram. There is much more driving to be done and places to see, but so far it's been great. Here's a glimpse of Sunday, Day 1...

Jimmy T's always has the best mugs

8 miles each? No big deal. They rocked it.

8 miles later...

Kannapolis, NC on Dale Ernhardt Blvd. Hello, America!

We had such a good time having dinner with Noor that we forgot the all-important picture to document the occasion. Next time, next time.

Pack 'em up and move 'em out

Yesterday marked the end of a beautiful chapter of my life.

I packed up my life into a handful of boxes, 2 suitcases, and 3 Rubbermaid drawers.

I sorted out unneeded papers, junk I ended up with (where does this stuff come from?), and memories.

I took out innumerable bags of trash - seriously, how much old bathroom products can one accumulate?

I donated 5 large bags of clothing.

I fit all of the clothes I am keeping into a large rolling suitcase

and all of the clothes I'll wear between now and leaving DC into another.

I took art down from my walls, put all the loose change I found into one baggie,

and created a giant mound of documents that I have yet to sort and file.

I stared at the empty wine bottles above my kitchen cabinets and decided that I didn't have the heart to recycle those memories yet.

I cleared off my bedroom window sill, a place from which I've been admiring Capitol Hill for 18 months.

Oh gosh, I just realized I didn't pack my 110th, 111th, and 112th Congress mugs...

must. not. forget.

I did take a time out in order to eat We The Pizza and watch Moulin Rouge with Jenny.

Totally worth being up until 4am packing.

I'm not strong enough to carry my mattress downstairs (wait, all this time I thought I was Wonder Woman?)

so I have to figure out how to do that still.

I have absolutely adored living in my little house (except for one time when we got a rat), and I will miss it.

What a wonderful part of my life this has been!

<3

 

 

Dear Host Family,

I have to write a letter to my potential host family. It's due tomorrow. Here's the thing: I don't know where I'll be or who they are. I'm encouraged to include pictures of myself, information about my family and hometown (which hometown... I have a few), and other informative tidbits about me. GAH! Mostly also I don't feel like it, but I'm pretty keen on the idea of not being homeless for a year, so I should probably just buckle down and do this. Here are potential pictures of me in the running for "persuade my unknown host family that they already like me":

Ok, so maybe there aren't many pictures of me where I'm looking nice and normal and standing still. As of right now, I am accepting all pictures of me meeting the above criteria. Gracias (you like that? Happy Cinco de Mayo).

Maybe it will go something like this:
Dear Host Family,
My name is Elisabeth, and I'm really excited to move to Germany. My name is even spelled with an "s", so I should fit in perfectly. Please keep Nutella on hand. It's delicious.
With much enthusiasm,
Elisabeth

Well that was easy! Now I can focus on plans for Cinco de Mayo errrr I mean work. Focus on work.